Losses are a
part of life. Material, financial, human or emotional, we all go through them
sometime of the other. While some console themselves by treating losses as act of destiny, most crib,
cry and question why it happened to them.
On this very
day, two years ago, I lost the one person I have loved the most in my life, my
mother…
Our
relationship began right from the womb. While carrying me, she became extremely
unwell & was advised to terminate me, but her love for me stopped her from
doing so. She often used to tell me that during those days she saw her life in me
and the moment I came into this world, she looked at me & felt as if any
pain, any illness never happened. She recovered soon after my birth and people
around started saying I gave her life…
Like most
mothers, she did everything and anything for me, keeping my needs and happiness
above her own. But she taught me something nobody else did…to embrace life. An
avid reader, she introduced the word “optimism” to me at an early age, and it
has stayed with me ever since; finding a place in any description I give about
myself. As a little kid, Sunday mornings would begin, not with the usual “TV”
but with ma reading aloud interesting articles and horoscope forecasts from the
Sunday paper. She would read out a sentence and show me the beauty of
literature, and say “someday I would want you to write like this…”
And I started
early as well…debates, recitation, declamation contests while still under ten.
I remembered how I would never open any prize in the school and bring the
unwrapped gift home to mom, ask her to present it to me like they do in award
functions and then open it for me. She would take it as her win, her prize and
the pride in her eyes was more precious to me than anything else.
My 1st
national award, then 2nd – she was there with me always, asking me
to look at her in the audience if I ever felt nervous while reciting. And when
people complimented me for my talent, she took more pride than I did myself! In
fact, the year I passed out of college, she told me “with you, I have won so
many awards, studied science, and then done hotel management. Being involved
with every step of yours makes me feel as if I myself have acquired all these degrees.”
Where else would you find a person who feels that way?
In 2006, I
wrote her a poem on mother’s day. She never said a word, but the tears in her
eyes and that warm hug said it all! Today, I miss her proof reading every time
I write, her face cheering me from the crowd every time I go onstage, her
organizing kirtan on my birthday, her guidance in every project I take…
A “not up to
the mark food” now invites frowns and comments from my mother in law.
That time, I always remember my mom kissing my hands every time I made
something as she would understand the effort and emotions and acknowledge them.
It’s only the mothers who love you for
who you are and not for what you do. Yet it is strange that most of us, after
we are on our own, end up doing more for the new relations in our lives, and continue
to take and take from our mothers. And
they continue to give, just wanting love and some quality time in return. And that’s how mom
was – waiting for me at the bus stop if it got late, waiting for me to have
meal together, adjusting her schedule with my convenient time to call, bearing
the pain, just for me. The love flowed even on her death bed as, she told me “It’s
so much trouble right now that as a human, I would wanna go, but I wanna stay
back, to live with my kids"…
And now, it’s
an endless wait for me….
Mom became my
pillar of strength. Any laurel without her is incomplete and any pain without
her is incurable. Yet, she was the one who made me to be the strong woman I am
today, taught me to love, share, care and most importantly, think positive and
creative.
My hands on
this keyboard wouldn’t just stop…I think she deserves a book on her…
Today, as I
write this blog, I also realize that we should remember such angels in our
lives with a smile, not tears. It’s easy to be selfish and cry on someone’s
departure, considering our loss. But, it takes guts to remember the departed
with a smile; acknowledge God for bringing them into your life, rather than
cribbing about the loss. “The glass is half empty, but also half full”
as she always said.
That’s embracing
life, and that’s what you taught me mom…
Thanks for everything…May
you continue to rest in peace, happiness, smile and radiate that positivism!
Miss u mom!
And love u the most!
 |
| That's mom & I! |
that's such a lovely lovely tribute to your mother!! i could feel the emotions in this post.
ReplyDeleteThanks Debajyoti! I was missing mom soooo much y'day...then thought this the best way to express my feelingz for her. Thanks for appreciating!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful tribute.
ReplyDeleteNobody can replace a mother, nobody. Even living away from her is so painful for me, I can only imagine how you felt while writing this post.
We don't know each other, but from one daughter to another, huggggggs. Tight, tight huggg.
@Sam's playground - Thanks Samarpita...U r right. It indeed was painful to remember those memories & I broke down many times while writing this blog.
ReplyDeleteIts painful but life goes on...and u learn to wear a perennial plastic smile as not everyone understands the underlyng pain...
Many hugs to u as well..."blogsister"...:)
its logical that we are more attatched to either father or mother cuz we are attatched to them from the day we are born and inter-dependence.
ReplyDeletewhen it comes to affection ,if you are a true person the magnitude of affection and feelings don't change with time.i was 13yr old when my dad expired and i din't cry when everyone around me were crying,i had regular smile on my face on that day too.everyone thought am a bad guy and i don't like my dad.actually i was more close to my dad than anyone else.according to me,showing affection means understanding the person and doing things for that person when he/she is alive based on righteous life.
after death,a dead ant and dead relative are same and it won't be same if you are expecting more from the dead man.
i could not save my dad when he died in sleep with cardiac arrest cuz i was just 13 and my wisdom and knowledge of science were immature.today ,my affection can save my family from death cuz i have grown up with ultimate wisdom and it can almost save people from dying cuz i can keep all my effort/affection to save a person.at the end of the day,i don't want to see dead bodies and people crying.
Hey Rohan,
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear abt ur dad...its must have been tough for u to at 13 as I knw how tough it was for me to lose mom at 26. The departed are freed from any relation or "Moh Maya" as they say. But wen someone who means so much leaves, u cant help bt remember the good times & miss that person. Even I didnt cry publicly wen mom left me. The house was sudenly swarming with relatives who were otherwise opportunist & mean. But it hurt wen they asked me & my sis to stay away as per religious views, a dead person shouldn't take any material/physical contribution frm a married daughter as its a "karz" on him for his next birth. I was like wat the ***...bt then, the loss was already done. She was gone & it didnt mattered who did wat formality. So I just kissed my mom's forehead & stood by her side till the flames took her in their arms....
I like the statement "after death,a dead ant and dead relative are same and it won't be same if you are expecting more from the dead man." & its weird why social obligations force us to often interact wth people who are in the "dead relations" cattegory.
Thanks
Shaivi, first a warm hug from someone you don't know but is a mother never the less. I could feel both the warmth of loving memories and also the pain of your loss. Both are precious, for they are a part of the human experience we call life. You have written a beautiful tribute to your mother, really touching . In being the person you are today, because of her teachings that contributed to your growth as a person, you pay her the biggest homage for you are what she intended you to become. I'm sure you consider yourself lucky for having had her in your life for whatever time she was there. Follow her example and become the mother to your own children the way she was to you . Love and blessings.
ReplyDelete